Screw You Elmo

November 20, 2013

I managed to already score what the Rehoboth Beach Delaware Wal Mart employees assured me was the “IT” Elmo for this holiday season – “Hug Me Elmo.” (If you’ve never taken advice from a Wal Mart employee then you really should get out of your bubble. Wal Mart advice? All the rage.) There is something […]

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Seek and Destroy

November 12, 2013

Several weeks ago, I hatched what may or may not have been one of my most brilliant ideas. Depends who you ask. My friend who used to live across the hall in our condo building had a baby girl a few weeks before the Pirate was born. We had visions they would grow up sisters-in-spirit […]

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Pass Me A Tissue Please – Part 4

November 06, 2013

Last installment of the family vacation stories. When we were teenagers, Squidward presented me with the pen and notepad, ubiquitous to all motel rooms and like a game show host said, “I want you to write the following phrase.” He then said the word “pus,” as in ooze. He went on to say that if […]

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Pass Me a Tissue Please, Part 3

November 04, 2013

Another installment from the Bad Mommy 1970’s vacation files. As Squidward got older, he began to put his foot down at some of the atrocities to which we were subjected. He made his first of many stands with the restaurants where we would eat. He announced one day that he refused to step foot into […]

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Happy Halloween!

October 31, 2013

The Pirate was a Pirate last year, so in an effort to come up with something new, I thought I’d have her dress up as her household nemesis – the Garden Gnome. It didn’t go well. So, we had to pull last year’s costume out of the closet, despite the fact that it’s way too […]

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I’ll Have a Cookie

October 23, 2013

Taking another break from my family vacation stories but I will get back to them as they’re mostly written already anyway. I often lament my woe that the Pirate is an “only child.” That’s not really a fair statement because she does have 2 half-brothers who are just very much older than she is. So […]

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Pass Me a Tissue Please, Part II

October 18, 2013

Back to the family vacations. There wasn’t a Stuckeys where we didn’t eat Pecan Log Rolls, and there probably wasn’t a stretch of highway where we didn’t pull over so I could puke. This was pretty much how it went. They would drive, I would puke. Once when we were home in Connecticut, getting ready […]

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The Pirate Does NYC

October 17, 2013

We took the Little Pirate to NYC for the weekend. It was a mix of unexpected snobbery with sides of nastiness and a few scraps of genuinely good behavior. I almost don’t know what to think anymore of the place I’ve considered “home” for my entire life. The bouts of nastiness from complete strangers hit […]

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Pass Me a Tissue, Please

October 12, 2013

Watching the Pirate puke all over Cool Dad the other day really brought back some memories of my own childhood. There was nothing like growing up in the 70’s. I am the youngest of my parent’s three children and the only girl. Having older brothers meant I endured excessive amounts of torture. They would deny […]

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Ridiculous Extremes of the D.C. Real Estate Market

October 09, 2013

Also published on the Huffington Post ~~~~~ The D.C. real estate market continues to move along at a very swift pace. Our market is nothing if not efficient and we consistently prove here that there is no such thing as “bad” real estate — only bad prices. But I’m finding there’s a caveat to that […]

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