It’s been a doozie of a week. Here’s the nonsense I have had to deal with and the nonsense consumers have to deal with but may not even know it’s happening.

If you’re an agent reading this and your pissed off at what I’m saying, you’re probably part of the problem.

Hopefully you don’t recognize your Real Estate Agent in one of this weeks VERY TRUE SCARY STORIES.

Scary Story #1

Sunday I ratified a contract for buyers. Ratified Contracts are BINDING, meaning, once a seller agrees to sell his or her home, there’s nothing they can do to get out of it.

Monday, the listing agent said they got another offer and the seller wanted to take that offer instead. Here’s the text exchange.

Me: They can’t. They already signed and ratified the offer we have. They can only take this offer as a backup.
Agent: They told me they are taking the other offer.
Me: They can’t. My clients are fully signed with no contingencies.
Agent: The house was still on the market. Your clients offered when the house wasn’t even on the market.
Me: That doesn’t matter. We need to get attorneys and brokers involved now.
Agent: They want to fire me now.
Me: They didn’t understand what signing and ratifying means?
Agent: They don’t want to take a hit after 24 hours.
Me: I’m moving this to email with our brokers.

Scary Story #2

I scheduled an appointment to see a house the day before the Inauguration. As the city was in lockdown, I spent 2.5 hours in total, navigating to the house in Alexandria and then trying to get back into the city with all the bridges closed. I called the agent on the way back to let her know that my clients wanted to write an offer.

She said the seller was about to accept an offer. This would have been good information to provide when I was scheduling the appointment, lady. She got my appointment request. She had to physically confirm the appointment. It never occurred to her to tell me before we dodged several dozen police-manned road closures? I asked if they could wait for my offer. She said okay.

Then she called back and said that she “needed to be honest with me.” She’s representing both sides and cutting the commission on the offer the seller is about to sign, so….we’re pretty much out of luck.

Also good information to give me before I navigate myself across DC in the middle of an attempted governmental overthrow.

Scary Story #3

Along the same vein as above, not giving fellow agents common courtesy just enrages me. Especially if it means I have wasted my time. I was on my way to show a house Thursday because the listing agent told me 2 hours earlier that I could show it. I called to just let him know we would probably be writing an offer and he said “Oh we just signed a contract.”

Scary Story #4

I had an appointment from 10-10:30 a.m. to take a quick video for clients of a house. I got there at 10:20, well within my appointment window. There was no key in the box and the door was locked. I called the listing agent. She said she had a key hidden around back. I went to go get that key, and then went back to the front. I unlock the door and some witch in a leather coat is firing up her broomstick. I said, “Oh. I have a 10-10:30 appt. She said, “WELL IT’S 10:30 NOW!” I said, “It’s 10:25 and I only need 5 minutes.” Plus I had to go look for another key you nasty witch, MARYBETH.*

*Names have not been changed to protect the See You Next Tuesdays.

Scary Story #5

New Rule. I never show homes without pictures in MLS. Because of what happened yesterday.

A client wanted to see a house that had no pictures. I told her that meant bad things but she still wanted to see it. I called the agent. She was super busy getting a manicure, I could hear the filing and the nail tech talking to her. I asked her why there were no photos. She said, “Oh I think I have one of the outside somewhere.” Close the nail glue you moron, no one needs pictures of the outside of a house when we have la Google. I asked her about the condition and she said it was “Fair.”

The house was grosser than I expected. Someone was there and he opened the door, yelling and acting like we weren’t supposed to be there. He didn’t want to let me in, then he backed up and I started to go in and he went to push me back out. He was cooking something disgusting and the house smelled like a rotting body. The bedrooms had locks on them but no door knobs. Mattresses all over the place on the floor with stains on them. I literally thought I was going to walk out of there with fleas. There was a downstairs unit with a separate entrance. Trees growing into the house, ashtrays all over, and piles of trash on the floor where you could see people were sleeping.

I left feedback for the agent on the listing. I told her this was the worst house I’ve seen and she should not only warn people, but put up photos so she doesn’t waste people’s time, as well as warn them the person living there is unstable.

Scary Story #6

I’m in negotiations trying to get a contract ratified for clients. The listing agent asked if my clients would raise their offer because “the escalation is going to kick in.” This is not the first time this has happened where it’s obvious an agent has no effing clue how an escalation works. I said “It doesn’t matter if we start at zero, it’s where the escalation caps out.”

Then they asked if my clients would waive inspection. I asked and they said okay, and I said this is against my better judgment. But they did it. Then the listing agent asked if my clients would waive appraisal. I checked with the lender who said that was fine as they could walk away if their financing didn’t work. I told the agent this. He called.

Agent: I don’t understand what this means. You’re not waiving appraisal then if you still have financing.
Me: Appraisal and financing are two separate contingencies.
Agent: But they thought you wouldn’t do an appraisal at all.
Me: Unless a client has cash, you’re pretty much stuck having to let an appraiser in your house. It’s a condition of all loans.
Agent: Wait, so what does the financing mean?
Me: I’m getting the sense you don’t understand how this works, and I’m not the one who should be counseling you on how it works because your lack of knowledge can benefit my clients right now. You need to call your team leader or broker.

Then he called me back. With the team leader on the phone. So I got to explain it again. My husband was shaking his head. All these stupid agents are making my eye twitch. Agents should not be listing homes for sellers when they have idea WTF they are doing.

Peoples – please research who you hire.

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