Well, my life is over.

Caillou that little fucker has a Holiday Movie. And the Pirate has started handing us the remote and saying “Caillou!” This isn’t good. If you don’t know, Caillou is the most annoying piece of shit excuse for a cartoon that you’ve ever seen. I used to equally hate Caillou and Sid the Science Kid, but then I realized Sid and his friends are mentally challenged so I couldn’t hate on them anymore. (Well, I think they’re mentally challenged. If they’re not, then oops, my bad.)

If you have any interest in seeing what a sniveling whiny brat Caillou is, you can watch this video. If you too feel like ripping off your nipples when it’s over then Congratulations! You have a brain!

The Little Pirate likes this cartoon that plays at 11:30 called the Chica Show. I used to also not really like Chica but now I think the fact that she’s sometimes a puppet (with a personality) and sometimes a cartoon is fine. The Pirate actually asks for “Teeca” more than stupid Caillou so I try to make sure she catches the 11:30 Chica show. But here’s the problem. If I’m not on my game at 11:58 with that remote in hand, Caillou comes on at noon. And there’s another episode at 12:30. And by 1:00, I’m ready to burn down the neighborhood, put the Pirate down for a nap and find the bottom of a bottle of anything that’s been fermenting in the cabinet over my refrigerator. Yes, even the vermouth is fair game. That’s how bad Caillou is.

Today I actually changed the channel during Caillou. The Little Pirate started to cry. I really really felt like a horrible mother, I mean, really. The guilt was eating me alive inside but I just couldn’t go back. Luckily Cool Dad found some old Daffy Duck and Porky Pig episodes and after a few minutes she started to watch those and stopped asking for Caillou. I also took the precaution of ordering some Woody Woodpecker DVD’s online that should be here soon. But now she’s learned a new word in the last 24 hours. Please. Except it comes out “peeze.”

So tonight, she came at me with the remote, handed it to me and said “Mommy! Peeze! Caillou!”

I’m done for. It’s going to be a long fucking winter.