Oh crap. So this is how it happens. Slowly, and without warning.

I went to the grocery store with the Pirate and First Mate, a.k.a. Little Chubs. By the time I had weaved through 15 aisles, balancing cherub tomatoes and cheese puffs that they tore into – two of the messiest possible foods to eat prior to being home, near napkins and hoses of water – I was spent. I put all the food on the conveyor while I managed my coupons, stopped the Pirate from taking off and stopped the First Mate from making Yogurt Bombs out of my purchases. (Oh, come on. Like you can’t figure this out? She grabs the yogurt off the conveyor and then slams it to the ground hard enough so that it explodes everywhere.)

Anyway, by the time I paid, the cashier was handing me all sorts of crap with my receipt. I shoved it in one of the bags and corralled everyone home. Mama needs a xanax.

Unloading the groceries, I noticed the papers the cashier handed me were from their newest promotion. You get a Monopoly game board and game pieces. I ran out to a meeting then came home to find Cool Dad under the weather and crawling off to bed, the Pirate watching TV and the First Mate naked. Once everyone was properly clothed and nestled away for the night, I started looking at this Monopoly stuff. Then, this happened.


Yep. I turned into one of “them.” Those retro moms who play grocery store games and think they’re gonna win. I’m looking at all these possible prizes, one being a $50,000 makeover. Squeeee! I could be a whole new person with $50,000 in nips and tucks! Positively exciting! But then, that nagging sets in. What is that? Oh yeah, it’s my childhood-self, playing a similar type of game back in the 70’s. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the Nestle Crunch wrappers. Remember? When they were in tin foil and then covered in paper. Yeah, that.

Anyway, when I was Bad Mom in Training, I would collect these things and declare, “I’m only one game piece away from winning the million dollars!” And then, there was my mom, tsk tsking at the doorway, saying, “You know they only make one of those game pieces right, and you’ll never get it. It was probably distributed to someone out in California.”

Oh that Mom. She always did know how to crush your hopes and dreams, didn’t she?

Well, looks like I’ve turned into one of those moms. Sitting here licking game pieces playing a game that’s like something you would see on the Price is Right. But I am one missing piece away from the $1500 LED TV, and one piece away from the $200 family picnic. Oh yeahhhhh that’s right.