I just got home after a marathon day out of the house. I always feel like I miss so much when I’m not home from 8 a.m. to after 9 p.m. No offense to Cool Dad but usually when I’m out for a long time I come home to evidence of what happened in my absence: a stroller on the front porch, sand in the house, toys from one end of the house to the other and a sink full of dishes. That means they went to the playground, destroyed the house and (hopefully) ate well. That also means Cool Dad is exhausted and he’ll go to bed while I clean.

Tonight – no stroller on the porch, no sand, no toys all over the house and a sink only half full. The First Mate was nowhere in sight, The Pirate was sitting on the couch watching something stupid (Taylor Swift) on her Nook, formerly known as “my Nook.” Cool Dad was tinkering around with his computer.

Me: Where’s the First Mate? Sleeping? I missed her?
Cool Dad: Yeah, bed. I think she broke my phone and my computer.
Me: What? Really?
The Pirate, now realizing I’m home: Yeah, The First Mate broke Daddy’s computer. She stuck one of her toys in the damn hole.
Me: What did you say?
The Pirate: I said, The First Mate stuck one of her toys in the damn hole.
Me: I thought that’s what you said.

And, scene. I guess I pretty much know what happened tonight. There’s always evidence.