Last Monday, Real Estate Dad was trying to get Chubs out the door to school. I was upstairs, still in bed, picking away at emails on my phone, when Chubs burst into the room with a tissue and started wiping down my night stand.

Real Estate Dad: Come on, it’s time to go to school.
Chubs: But Daddy, I have to clean the house!
Real Estate Dad: What?
Chubs: If I go to school, who is going to clean this house?

Chubs is three. Just thought I would note that. I have no idea where she came up with this.

Over the weekend, Chubs and I were playing a game and M was standing there watching. I asked if she wanted to play and she said, “No, that’s boring.” I said, “Why don’t you read a book?”

“Reading is boring.”

I said, quoting an old commercial from when I was little, “Reading is fundamental.”

Well she didn’t like this at all.


Wow. That didn’t go well. Real Estate Dad said, “Well let’s work on your spelling then. What does D-A-Y spell?”

M screamed “DIE!”

Later that night (after my head stopped spinning) M asked me where the old cell phone was that she uses to watch videos. I said “No idea, it wasn’t my turn to watch it.” To which she replies, “What’s the matter with you? The lights are on but no one is home.”

So now she’s quoting Robert Palmer?

M is five. Just thought I would note that.

The deck is most definitely stacked against me.