The Inmates Have Taken Over The Asylum

Day 1 – Trial Run

My optimism of yesterday is gone.

Inmates: 2
Warden: Zero

It started out well, got some schoolwork accomplished with the girls. This is supposed to be spring break week, however, I wanted to get the girls started on 2 hours of work a day to get into practice of learning how this is going to go. Because it ain’t gonna resemble the “late-to-school, knots-in-hair, non-breakfast-eating, legos-all-over-the-kitchen-table clusterfuck” that it has been.

What I learned is that they definitely must be separated. If one has my attention, the other will fight tooth and nail to also get my attention. I also learned that if I attempt this again when Real Estate Dad is away for the day, then I’m a moron and I deserve everything that happens.

Princess Roundhead needed assistance as she read a story about what culture is and then had to answer the questions. We read the story together, she played her best Chrissy Snow for a good portion of it, and I realized she’s either playing dumb or she really doesn’t understand how to do this. Reading comprehension on a scale of 1-10? Zero.

Then I showed her a video about Greek Culture. That part actually went well. She watched the whole thing and recognized some things from, well, my in-laws because I’m a rotten Greek. I do make a mean Pastitsio though. Not that they would know because they don’t eat anything besides chicken nuggets and pasta.

At the same time, one of our 10 class pets went loose. Snowflake the Hamster was this > < close to landing in Annie’s mouth. Annie was salivating and Ziggy was on standby for leftovers.

I locked Snowball’s cage and sat Chubs in front of the computer to watch some guy read a story online. I found his info in one of the 7042 emails, Facebook posts and texts that have passed my eyes with “resources for kids.”

I realized I don’t want resources for kids. I want to know what work they need to do and I want to have them do it. End of story. Some of you are good mothers. You have activities and enrichment for your kids and limit screen time. I…. don’t.

Then we went to Costco for fun! We waited in line and I told the girls more about why we were waiting in line. Once we got inside, Costco was delightfully empty. Princess Roundhead said, “Do you have a napkin?” I handed her one as she said, “I poured out too much hand sanitizer so I need to wipe it off.” I stared at her and said, “The entire world is out of hand sanitizer, don’t waste it.” She said, “We can just go to the store and buy more.” No, actually, we can’t.

I bought a couple things for a non-driving friend, we dropped that off then went back home to unload our groceries. While the girls tore through snacks, I tried to get to my own stuff that needed to be done. The second I try to do something for myself, the fighting commenced. I looked up to see Chubs irritating Princess Roundhead and Princess Roundhead lunging at her with a scissors.

That almost went right into her eye.

And so yes, one of the students got her ass sent up to detention in her room.

“Can I come down yet Mama?”

“Only if you’re ready for me to beat your butt so bad you will have to go to the hospital.” Actually by this time I was so exhausted I turned into a 1950’s housewife with the “Wait until your father gets home” and hugged Chubs tighter because the reality of what could have happened was chilling.

Roundhead waited 20 minutes before she asked again. Smart move.

So what did we learn?

I might be an asshole for saying this but I actually enjoy working way more than home-schooling.