Time Work-wife And I Version of a Honeymoon

I forgot that I had this drafted and never published. Aah, such is the hurdle of someone who writes – is it good enough to share with the world? Eh.

A few weeks ago, mah work-wife and I went to San Diego for a quickie real estate-ish trip. I was away from the girls and Real Estate dad for 72 hours. This is about 70 hours longer than I like to be away from them but it’s a ridiculously short window of time in which to fly to the west coast, spend 2 days getting my mind blown apart with great ideas and then come back home.

The first leg of the flight back home was the red eye from San Diego to Atlanta. We arrived at the airport at 9:30 p.m. for a 10:30 flight. Work-wife checked her damn suitcase for a 2 day trip. I assumed that when she said “It’s because of my non-TSA approved bottle sizes” she really meant “It’s my vibrator.” Anyway, the good folks at the Delta counter said, “Good thing you’re here, the plane is leaving early.”

Early? What the hell kind of plane can just leave early?

Then I got flagged at TSA for my weapon – those evil tweezers in the bottom of my makeup bag. I’m Greek, people. I cannot go anywhere without a tweezer. Truth be told, I actually prefer a full waxing kit. I told TSA they needed to hurry this up because our plane was leaving early. They looked at me and said, “Really?”

Yes, really.

Then we got to the gate and they were boarding. On we went, found our seats and settled in for a cross-country, long winter’s na…. Nope. Guy next to me nudged me and asked if I was traveling with work-wife. I said yes. Then he said how sad he was because they tried to get seats together and offered to pay more and they said the plane was full and there was nothing they could do. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him texting his girlfriend and they were saying how much they loved each other. Then I felt bad.

I said, “Work wife, would you be sad if I moved?” I mean, I get it. I hate flying. If we’re going to crash at least I’d want to be next to Real Estate Dad so he could tell me everything was going to be okay even if we were making a fiery descent into the ocean. If I moved, I’d be able to ditch the middle seat and get a window seat behind me. I’d be a fool not to change.

Then the musical chairs began. What I didn’t confirm prior was that I would be sitting next to two meth addicts. One was in a tube top and that tube was barely holding on, I was positive nipples were going to make an escape. Anyway, prior to landing, they both stood up and started ripping the cushions off the seats, I believe they lost their bag of meth. They were going crazy. People were blowing past them in the aisle while they had me locked in my seat while they searched for their meth. Christ people, let me the hell out of here.

It was nice to get home to my peoples, where I promptly fell asleep in the middle of the living room despite all the playing and giggling happening on Saturday.

Sunday I spent the whole day with the girls. First we had lunch with their cousin and my sis-in-law Deb who were in town for a Cheer Competition. (I know. Deb knows. Even my girls know. But my niece loves it so we all just smile and nod.) After lunch we headed back home.

On Rock Creek Parkway and Virginia Avenue we were at the red light just waiting. This man was slowly walking in the small median with a sign “Homeless. Lost Job.”

We see this all the time in DC. But something hit me in my gut with this man. He looked very worn down, and very sweet. As the light turned green, Princess Roundhead said, very quietly and almost breathlessly…

“That’s sad.”

My heart started to hurt. I said, “I know. What should we do? Should I turn around?” I turned around. I only had twenties on me and it’s not like you can break a $20 anywhere nearby. Considering I had just paid $14 for stupid parking at the National Harbor but zero dollars for a flight to San Diego, I determined that my recent actions indicate I have no grip on the value of a dollar, so what did it matter if I gave him $20.

We doubled back and when we pulled up to the light again, he actually recognized us and waved. Weird.

Anyway, I handed him the $20 and he thanked me and we drove off. Princess Roundhead asked, “Do you have any more money at home or did you give him all of it?”

I said, “Yeah baby, we have money at home.”